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Posted February 20, 2004
Every now and then I like to take the wisdom of the age, as sent to me in forwarded emails, and make fun of it. Here goes another bout, this time with gnomes from Green Dog
*:
> Green Dog
>
> Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two
>
>
> 1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who
> I am when I am with you.
Sincerely,
your homicidal stalker.
> 2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is,
> won't make you cry.
Try saying this at a funeral.
> 3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
> them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
This is especially true of eunuchs.
> 4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and
> touches your heart.
...and then says Ick!
> 5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right
> beside them knowing you can't have them.
But you can halve him or her.
—Yours truly, your homicidal stalker.
> 6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never
> know who is falling in love with your smile.
Never smile, because you never know who is falling in love with your
frown.
Never do anything interesting, because some creep out there is probably
falling in love with you.
> 7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person
> you may be the world.
Let's hope that the above-mentioned one person
is not the same
in both clauses.
> 8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing
> to waste their time on you.
OK, I'm really getting annoyed with the pronouns in this email, and
some elementary tics in word usage. Make that: Don't waste time on a person
who isn't willing to invest time in you.
> 9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before
> meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the
> person, we will know how to be grateful.
And if we have sex with those wrong people, our future right partners
will be all the more pleased by the skills accumulated, if not with
the viruses.
> 10.. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
... especially that dramatic break-up scene, which you can turn into
a killer Hollywood script.
> 11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so
> what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more
> careful about who you trust next time around.
[fill in homicidal stalker comment here]
> 12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before
> you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
Apparently, others don't help us to know ourselves.... so I'll ignore
'em until I'm perfect!
> 13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least
> expect them to.
Ah, words immortalized on a wall by a public toilet.
> REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
But don't try talking about those reasons on a first date — or at
a funeral.
This particular list of too-sweet gnomes can be found all over the Web. Maybe the deweydecimal.ca site started it all. Return to top.
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